Won't You Like To See Something Strange?

Driving home from a late screening of Paranormal Activity 2, we passed through downtown which was a madhouse. Adults in all shapes and sizes lined the streets dressed in the Halloween finest. I spotted a few Waldos, an aluminum-coated man with a giant metallic shlong, the Queen of Hearts herself, Pikachu, a couple of ninjas complete with conical hats, and a group of prostitutes. Or at least they looked like the part. I envied them though. Wish I could just up, put together a disguise and head out to a party with a bunch of strangers. Sadly, that is not the case as I am sitting here writing in this blog. Wow, that's lame.

So Paranormal Activity. I saw the first one and thought it was crap. Way overhyped and people jumped at a freaking door moving. I'll admit it did scare me at those parts, even this one. But that's exactly the problem with scary movies these days. They're all about cheap scares and gory, massacred bodies. Yet I still feel that people don't know fear anymore. Hollywood needs to get something that will fuck with people's minds and seriously mess them up. By the way, stop with the remakes. Movies were made with the intention of being the only one of it's kind. When they are remade, it slightly ruins the original which is a travesty. If I could send a letter to Hollywood in general it would be this:

"Dear Hollywood directors, writers, producers, actors and actresses, and the like,

We the people of the United States of America, and a many across the globe, feel that the tireless and awful movies you have been putting out recently lack the magic that Hollywood was once famous for. Our theaters are being overrun with lackluster comedies, bland horror films, dramas that fail to tell beautiful stories, and CG movies that are some of the worst ever seen in our time. It is a shame to see the once great entertainment capital of the world fail to produce wonderful projects.

It has come to our attention that all you mentioned above have no interest in giving us quality work. Your only concern is dazzling us with stunning graphics and untalented casts. Not to mention bringing in as much money as possible.

So it comes with a heavy heart that we say this. Get. It. Together.

We're exhausted of the remakes. We're tired of the repeated plot lines and characters. It's time to make change and go back to the way things were. Otherwise, we will stop buying tickets and let you suffer.

In summary, get your shit straight cause we're pissed.

Sincerely,

Movie-goers"

I may have been a little too nice but that's how it would go. Or something along those lines.

And last in honor of Halloween I have a picture for you all. I drew this I think it was two years ago in an art class. It's specifically for Dia De Los Muertos, but I thought because it's so close to the actual holiday it fit the mood.

Maybe I could go sell copies of this at the procession next Sunday down on 4th Avenue and make some money.

Side B

As I type this, I am gorging on a bag of various candies. Why? Because I want to that's why. And all one day before Halloween. There are way too many Tootsie Rolls, though. I prefer the small boxes of Dots and other fruit flavored sweets. While flipping through channels the other night, I passed by the History Channel which was talking about the origins of licorice. He was once (is still?) used for medical purposes I guess for illnesses. But that was only the black licorice. Puke. It's too bad that all candy really does now is give you cavities and make you fat. Who knows?Maybe they'll make a Milky Way that will cure cancer someday. Never know what they future holds. People back in the day used to think by 2005 we'd have flying cars and shit. I'm surprised we haven't but you know.

That's all I got.

Sleepless Nights (Hello, Programs)

TRON Night was amazing. They had a free 20 minute screening of some scenes from the movie and gave out some posters and stuff. I love me some freebies. Anyways, I could not be more excited for it. The visuals were stunning and so detailed, I had to keep reminding myself I was in a theater and not in the Grid. Some of the 3D effects flopped, but I was still loving it. Did I mention the CG and visuals were jaw-dropping. Not only that, but Daft Punk is doing the soundtrack for TRON Legacy? That's. Freaking. Epic.

Crap, I just remembered I have to write a classification essay by Monday. This destroys whatever hope I had of having a nice, relaxing weekend.

You know, college isn't all that it's cracked up to be. I guess nothing ever is, am I right ladies and gentlemen? We get this fantastical ideas circulating in our cranium that something will be magnificent and fun. Well, that just goes down the tube when it actually happens. That could be a good thing in some cases. It makes things more unpredictable and foreign. So yeah college. Whoop dee do. My personal belief was that college would go a-little something like this: I would go to the UofA (not Pima, where I am now), make a bunch of new friends that share similar interests, be dead set on a degree, get in a relationship, and not worry too much about everything. Friends and family always told me college was easier than high school.

That is a hot, load of monkey crap.

Sure the schedule is manageable to one's desires, but that doesn't make up for the excessive homework and collateral damage that my mental state is taking. I'm not sucking at any of my classes, I'm just not as interested as I thought I would be. Learning can be fun, if it involves a subject I can pay attention to. Otherwise, I seriously could care less about spending another 3 1/2 years behind a desk, giving myself consistent headaches. It'll benefit me in the long run of course. Still, I could be doing other things with my time like going to the gym or getting off my lazy butt and GETTING A JOB!

Running on four or less hours of sleep is a burden all on it's own. It just takes me forever to fall asleep. Maybe I have insomnia. I probably have insomnia. I think I do have insomnia. I'll just say it, I have insomnia. Such a condition may be a result of insufficient time management and severe issues with involvement in daily activities. Or could I be going... slightly mad?

Oh well, back to my cushioned cell. It's so soft in there, I love my oh so lovely cushioned cell. And my warm, cozy jacket. It keeps me safe. He he ha ha ho ho ho.

Sweet dreams all.

Those Times When You're As Depressed As Eeyore (Big Ass Chickens)

Sometimes I wish I were an ostrich.

That way I could just shove my head deep in the earth and not give a crap about anyone or anything. It sucks though that I wouldn't be able to fly. Alas, that's likely to never happen, so I have to just deal with being human.

It sucks major feeling shitty; Mostly about myself, my current predicament, life in general. The sort of things you think about when your by yourself. It's funny how your vision of the world can change when you don't really have someone to share it with. I observe people all the time. Not in any creeper/stalker sort of way, though sometimes I really wonder what are my true intentions. So maybe watching is a more appropriate term. I think I do it as a way of keeping myself busy and to not sink into a black abyss of my own mind and self loathing. As I watch, I notice the way two people look into each other's eyes, wonder what's on their mind, how a woman shops at the mall, how a man converses with friends, and how innocent children are. It kind of pains me to see them, so oblivious to the world around them and the terrors that await them once the come of age. Makes me sick. However, I gain greater insight into the inner workings of others. The habits and traits they showcase which make them real people. I feel like a boy before an ant farm, just looking at the little insects crawl around busying themselves with their daily routines.

But it's not as great as it seems. I also feel trapped behind a glass wall. Disconnected from the rest of them. Unable to make my way through, like some mime who's screwed himself into a box and can't find the door. I have family, friends, acquaintances, and such. Yet, I've never really been close with someone. Someone that I can be happy with, be open with, hold in my arms and never let go. The closest I've ever come to that is my mom, which I'll admit, I am a mommas boy. Don't hate.

I try not to get too down on myself. We, and I mean those of you out there who are reading this and can sympathize, the loners, always feel incomplete. Having every material possession and all the money in the world isn't able to fill that void that lies within. Whenever I feel had, depressed, or isolated I get this forceful, pulsing pain in my chest. For a second it vanishes. Then it's back with a vengeance. And it's not an "Oh crap I'm dying!" pain. It's almost like a yearning, like my heart's crying.

Yet through all the mess and sadness I subject myself to, sometimes on a daily basis, I always manage to make it through the day. Somehow, someway I find the strength to believe that tomorrow is a new day and hopefully I won't be so sad. Perhaps, I'll finally shatter that glass wall, dry the tears on the inside and make my way out into the world with a new sense of purpose.

So my friends, whoever you are reading this right now, if you feel like crap and down in the dumps ready to do something rash and unforgiving, take a step back. Slowly take a deep breath and think, "Hey, it's not so bad. I'm living and I've always got tomorrow to make things better." Just give yourself hope. That's all you can ask for.

And as Hallmark cheery as this may sound, as least it's something right?

Unless You're Asian, You Can't Make Good Chinese Food

That title's completely true by the way. At lest, I think so. I made some Minute Rice and frozen mini chicken egg rolls, hoping to have a nice substitute for my recent craving of Panda Express, but boy was I wrong. Granted practically fake food, I thought I would get something out of it. No. No I didn't. Not even the gallons of soy sauce I doused it with could not keep back the stale flavor. Memo to me: Never do that again.

And..................................................................Scene

The first time I was ever involved in a full-on show was my junior year in High School. Actually, scratch that. It was when I was 8, or around that age, my mom signed me and my sister up in a production of Peter Pan at Live Theatre Workshop. Guess who I got stuck playing? Starts with an S ends with a MEE, can't guess? SMEE. Of course at the time I was pissed I didn't get to play the lead. But I learned to cope. Some girl played Peter. Though it sucked because my sister played Wendy so she got a better role. I didn't care, I kicked that role's ass. I can't recall much of how rehearsals or the actual performance went, except for that I screwed up the fight scene. Me and Captain Hook were supposed to have a duel with swords (cheap, Styrofoam ones of course) and as I reached to draw my weapon, it got caught in my waistline. I tried not to panic, so I had to improvise with an invisible one. But I don't think it went too bad.

But the only other true show I've ever been in was You're A Good Man Charlie Brown. That was the one in High School. I played Schroeder. Once again I had hoped for Charlie but alas was disappointed. I didn't care, I kicked that role's ass too. But seriously, I think that role fit me better after all; I'm quiet, enjoy music, and am kind of a control freak. That may have been some of the best memories of High School, because there wasn't much else to hang on to. Man, I miss Drama classes with Moseley and the wild schenanagins But anyways, back to Peanuts. Opening night was scary as hell, I didn't know what to expect or how the audience would like it. It passed by in a such a blur, before I knew it it was time for bows. And that was the day I first experienced what it was like to be an actor. I had felt everything from the stomach churns beforehand to the heavenly feeling afterwords. To be on top of the world for a moment, unable to be brought down was a sensation that's unforgettable. Hopefully I can do that in the future, but I'm not making much effort to find acting gigs. I'd like to make it a career, if that's what it can be called exactly, but I don't really want to major or study it. I'd rather just go out there and make a living out of it. I wouldn't care if I had to live off of scraps or make a few bucks a week or be given crappy characters; to do what I love would be it. Although I mean making it to Hollywood and getting a gig on TV or a movie wouldn't be too bad, or getting paid nicely. One can dream right?

Or in the words of Frankenfurter: "Don't dream it, be it."

I did other stuff in High School like a night of one acts consisting of three short one act/scenes including The Man of Infinite Sadness (Crying Man) and Sure Thing (Bill). Those were both fun. I got to say "Stupid cow" to a girl as the Crying Man. It kinda made me feel good doing that, hearing the three people in the audience gasp. I was pretty good at playing as asshole. That whole show bombed though. Hardly anyone showed up, except my parents and a few straglers. So that sucked. Besides that I did a few performances at SAFF (Southern Arizona Acting Festival, for those of you who do not know) and my personal favorite The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, which we did in class. Heck, I even threw on a leather jacket as Danny Zuko when we performed "Summer Nights" in front of the entire school. My hair was too long then so when we tried to grease it back I had a stupid looking mullet. Still we got the loudest applause due to all our hard work, unlike the Student Council/Football players who actually HIRED a choreographer for their "Greased Lightning" number. Bastards.

So why do I mention all this long and drawn out history. you may ask? Well I'm just reflecting on the past. I look back on all the things I've done so far and think to myself, "What will I do now?" I sit here typing and wondering what I want to make of myself and how I want to live my life outside of my bland bedroom. Do I want to pursue acting? Or do I want to follow the path of animation, my other choice?

Who do I want to be?

Question? No Comment.

The Origin of Love (Feeling Sick)

My feet are literally frozen. That's how I can tell it's Fall, leading into Winter. When I actually have to sleep with pants and socks on all night. And yet this is my favorite time of the year. Another 365 day cycle is about to come to a close and a new one about to be born. I tell you I can't even tell what day it is anymore. Everything is speeding by in a blur and I can't catch up. Father Time's screaming back at me, "Eat my dust you whippersnapper!" as he passes by in his hot rod. Just the other day I was worried about graduating into the big bad world and now, I'm already feeling too old.

I'm telling you the last three days have been exactly the same. I've gotten up at 6:30/10 AM to go to my classes, come home, do homework, leave to go to my sister's volleyball matches (bore), go eat afterwords (puke), go to the store and then finally get home in time to spend the next few hours in front of my beloved iMac. All this on four to five hours of sleep. Insane. It hasn't been all bad though. I saw this guy at Walmart on Tuesday, we caught glances a couple times around the store. I tried not to look like a creeper, but sometimes I just act differently around others. It felt like a scene ripped straight out of a sappy movie and I felt on top of the world, high off of emotion. For a while I've been in slump, for a number of reasons, and this happened to be one of those moments that cheered me up. Hell, maybe I'm just giving myself false hope to keep myself from breaking down. Or to make myself feel special and loved, feelings I sense I've been lacking recently. Still it made me... happy.

Had one of those Hostess Cupcakes today, which I haven't had in ages. Felt like a pig eating it though. I get in the shower, look at myself in the mirror and think, "God when did all that happen? My relatives used to think my parents starved me and now look. Blah." I feel like crap because I never do crap. Everyday runs exactly like I said above, with the occasional trip to the movies. Not much else, which is a little pathetic. Actually a week or two ago I felt ignored and just up and left to go see Devil at the Harkins. Wasn't too bad for a Shaymalan flick, but could have been better. Alas, that was the first time I ever really acted out of instinct and ditched my house. I had been bad. I stayed out til' past midnight walking around the Spectrum, then drove around town, out to Speedway and back home, jamming out to 80's rock and enjoying time alone. Afterwords, I felt guilty for doing such thing. I'm nothing like that, but I think somewhere inside me is just this animal ready to break out! And that was the first sign of the bars being bent.

Well I'm starting to ramble. I do far too often for my own good. Off to bed with hopeful dreams and popsicle toes. Brrr.

Restart (Lonely Night)

So, even though I'm sure absolutely no one read my once existent blog posts, I've decided to restart this damn thing so I can finally have something to commit to every night. Give me some sense of purpose. Besides school and concerning myself over my family's obsession with volleyball, that is. Maybe it's weird (even crazy) talking to this computer screen like it's the best friend I've never had. Have I ever had any REAL friends? Hm.

Perhaps restarting this blog isn't the only thing I should do in my life. I think what I need is a makeover; of my body, sense of self, and what the hell, maybe even sense of style. I do have a tendency of wearing some of the same outfits week in and week out. But hey, I'm trying.

If one word could describe me right now, or since having graduated from High School, is confused. I've never really felt this way before. The years are flying by even faster than usual compared to those when I was just a kid practically living in two houses at once. I seem to being losing myself to my isolation and loneliness. That's one think I'm baffling over. As much as I lack any true human contact, why is it that I cringe when meeting new people or am uncomfortable just being around those who can be called my 'friends'? Loneliness is a disease I have caught and despise; give my all to force it out. Yet I embrace it to the fullest. And enjoy it. I don't even have a clear view of who I am anymore or what I want. My life has become a jumbled mess of pieces just waiting to be put together in the proper order. Yet with each hopeful moment they'll snap into place, it shatters and more appear. There's no box to look at to give me a clue. All I have to work with is experience. Trial and error. Discovery.

Once when I was really young, I had this bizarre notion that I was an alien from another planet, adopted by Earthling parents. I'm not sure why I thought that for being just a kid. But I went on to write a story about how it happened. I was sent off in a pod from my home world, ala Superman, by my true mother and father. Somehow the pod made it's way to Earth and (of all places now that I think about it) Tucson, Arizona. I'm not sure how the rest went. When I told my mom this story late one night, in my imagination, it was all real. It made so much sense to me and I understood why I felt so different. Halfway through reading it aloud, I walked back to my bed saying, "I need some time alone," as tears filled my eyes. I cried hard that night. Probably one of the few times I ever broke down. Looking back on it I always thought believing I was an extraterrestrial was a silly idea that a sissy boy would make up just to make himself feel special. Today though, right now as I write this, I'm beginning to reconsider that story, it's validity and what it means to me. It seems I've never truly fit in wherever I go. Am I really as alien as I think I am?

Calling all occupants of interplanetary craft, can you hear me?

Over and out.