The Origin of Love (Feeling Sick)

My feet are literally frozen. That's how I can tell it's Fall, leading into Winter. When I actually have to sleep with pants and socks on all night. And yet this is my favorite time of the year. Another 365 day cycle is about to come to a close and a new one about to be born. I tell you I can't even tell what day it is anymore. Everything is speeding by in a blur and I can't catch up. Father Time's screaming back at me, "Eat my dust you whippersnapper!" as he passes by in his hot rod. Just the other day I was worried about graduating into the big bad world and now, I'm already feeling too old.

I'm telling you the last three days have been exactly the same. I've gotten up at 6:30/10 AM to go to my classes, come home, do homework, leave to go to my sister's volleyball matches (bore), go eat afterwords (puke), go to the store and then finally get home in time to spend the next few hours in front of my beloved iMac. All this on four to five hours of sleep. Insane. It hasn't been all bad though. I saw this guy at Walmart on Tuesday, we caught glances a couple times around the store. I tried not to look like a creeper, but sometimes I just act differently around others. It felt like a scene ripped straight out of a sappy movie and I felt on top of the world, high off of emotion. For a while I've been in slump, for a number of reasons, and this happened to be one of those moments that cheered me up. Hell, maybe I'm just giving myself false hope to keep myself from breaking down. Or to make myself feel special and loved, feelings I sense I've been lacking recently. Still it made me... happy.

Had one of those Hostess Cupcakes today, which I haven't had in ages. Felt like a pig eating it though. I get in the shower, look at myself in the mirror and think, "God when did all that happen? My relatives used to think my parents starved me and now look. Blah." I feel like crap because I never do crap. Everyday runs exactly like I said above, with the occasional trip to the movies. Not much else, which is a little pathetic. Actually a week or two ago I felt ignored and just up and left to go see Devil at the Harkins. Wasn't too bad for a Shaymalan flick, but could have been better. Alas, that was the first time I ever really acted out of instinct and ditched my house. I had been bad. I stayed out til' past midnight walking around the Spectrum, then drove around town, out to Speedway and back home, jamming out to 80's rock and enjoying time alone. Afterwords, I felt guilty for doing such thing. I'm nothing like that, but I think somewhere inside me is just this animal ready to break out! And that was the first sign of the bars being bent.

Well I'm starting to ramble. I do far too often for my own good. Off to bed with hopeful dreams and popsicle toes. Brrr.