Life's Like A Piano...

1. I Can't Tell You Why - THE EAGLES

2. Black & Gold - SAM SPARRO

3. The Game of Love - SANTANA FEAT. MICHELLE BRANCH

4. High Life - DAFT PUNK

5. Right as Rain - ADELE

6. I'm Not Crazy - MATCHBOX 20

7. Missing You - JOHN WAITE

8. Another Day In Paradise - PHIL COLLINS

9. Quiet - LIGHTS

10. You Belong to the City - GLEN FREY

11. Where the Lost Ones Go - ESPEN LIND & SISSEL KYRKJEBø

12. I Love You More - GEORGE DUKE

13. I'm Getting Used to You - SELENA

14. Zephyr Song - RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

15. The Wanderer - ROMANTHONY

16. Worry About You - IVY

17. Why Don't You Do Right? - JESSICA RABBIT

18. Breaking the Habit - LINKIN PARK

19. Get Together - MADONNA

20. Stranger In Moscow - MICHAEL JACKSON

21. I Never Even Told You - TIA CARRERE

22. There's No Place Like Home - MICHAEL GIACCHINO

Transmission

Sometimes, it would be nice to have an all night or midnight radio station. That way I could chat with the other loners, singles, night owls and weirdos that have nothing better to do during the wee hours of the morning. Would keep me doing something, besides sitting here and talk to myself.

Sore throat. Ouch.

What a Badass

Or it's the heels.

[This entry was typed live in front of the American Music Awards as it played on my DVR]

Watching the AMA's right now, I still can't really enjoy the artists. There's no one who "amazes" me. Maybe it's bad taste or me being a grouch but I'm not a fan of modern music. A few singers still have nice voices and catchy tunes. Not all of them though. It's all about the money and fame. What happened to music with soul and passion? What happened to the ART of singing? I think it's dead. Or at least hanging on by a ligament. That leads me to another point; autotune. If you don't sound good without the help of a computer then what the hell are you doing in the music business? Miley, Will.I.Am, I'm talking to you.

Rihanna starts us off with a medley and a light up tree. We're getting into a tribal dance here. I'm feeling the rhythm now!

Heck, there are only like three nominees per category.

Katy Perry and her boys choir are singing, um, "Firework" is it? She just came down on a metal sun thing. Very Glindaesque. Yeah, it's "Firework". Some backup dancers are spewing sparklers while they dance. Neat.

Okay so this weird girl in like a Cinco de Mayo themed dress and blonde/green hair, wait that's Nicki Minaj. Who? Anyways chick just interrupted the announcement by advertising her album that's supposed to come out tomorrow (yesterday). This is an award show no one wants to hear your stupid advert.

Oh no. Here comes Beiber. Well looks like puberty's starting for him. Little late though. He sings alright, but I still don't like him. Maybe it's because he has gained all this stardom and fame in such a short amount of time with little work. While some artists strive years to acheive that. I take what I said earlier back. His voice is weird singing this half gospel, half pop song. Stop trying to be like MJ Beibes, it will never happen. The teeneybopperrs continue to eat it up. Whatever.

Mandy Moore is really freaking tall. Or it's the heels. I can't tell.

Bon Jovi's rocking out. At least he still got it. Now some Old Navy kids are dancing "live". Interesting because the same dance was done in a commercial shown right afterwords. Weird, huh?

They're just about to say who the "Breakthrough Artist" winner is. It seems voting was done through text messages sent in during the show. Actually the entire AMA's were done through fan votes. Because that's how award shows do it now. Leave it to the public. Just one big popularity contest. The nominees are: Justin Beiber (Bleh.), Lady Antebellum (Yes please.), Travy McCoy (Who?), & Mike Posner (Again, who??). Arriving via text message, no fucking surprise, Beibes. I think I'm going to claw my eyes out now.

Pink is making up for that last ghastly reveal. She's so raw and so real I think that's what makes her a strong survivor of the late 90's/ early 2000's. One of the brave few. Ne-Yo's doing alright, Ms. Swift as well although she's putting me to sleep as she covers "Apologize", and Beibes won AGAIN. You remember how I mentioned MJ a while back? Well, you won't believe this. Beibes goes up to accept his award and he says, he says, "I want to thank Michael Jackson, because without Michael Jackson, none of us would be here." Wow. That statement doesn't even make much sense.

Christina Aguilera is showing off some skin to a song from her movie Burlesque, which I actually want to see. Partially because of Cher. Lady Antebellum won something so that makes me a little happy. Usher's background singers and 200 some dancers on the stage are proving to be a good ploy to distract from his wack singing. I used a hip word, yay. He sounds like he's out of breath and isn't even singing half the time. Avril Lavigne just used the word amazeballs and surprisingly I like it. Amazeballs amazeballs amazeballs.

Muse is English?

The lead singer of Train is wearing some funky sparkly pants. Don't know his name. A bunch of random young girls in black fingerless gloves and "Soul Sister" shirts came up and started dancing. I don't really understand why artists do that. Maybe that's just me.

Here we go, Ke$ha and her sing-talk robot voice. She is joined by an army of Bowie/Hedwig look alikes, as they dance is a shower of confetti. Satana and another guy are singing... something. Sorry I keep typing and forget to listen to what I'm watching. The way Santana plays a guitar makes me that much eager to learn how to play it. I think I'm going to take a class next semester. No, I AM going to take a class next semester. Back to the AMA's, this song is sending off an "Oh Ye Como Va" vibe.

Another thing that confuses me is why the network cuts to people in the audience that hardly anyone knows or can recognize in time before it cuts back. It's like, if you're gonna show them to me let me see who it is!

The main event of the night it seems is the combo performance of The Backstreet Boys (who I didn't know were still together, honestly) and New Kids on the Block. As I watch, I'm having flashbacks to younger days. To the days of my childhood listening to these groups on my CD player. Wow how long it's been. So far this is the best performance of the night and as moderatly good way to end it.

Oh yeah and Beibes won Artist of the Year. Screw you.



P.S. This became more of a rant then anything, so take it as you will.

What Have You Been Dealt?

Floating on a Sea of Acid

Today was a very unproductive and unsuccessful day. I managed to flunk my psychology exam, fuck up my algebra quiz, and drive across the entire town to get a book from the library. I think that's one for the record books. The animation project I am continuing to push off still looms over me like a gigantic fly, rubbing its greedy little hands together, just waiting to snatch me up and drop me off into some far away crater. God, I hate flies. Stupid little things buzzing around my head and flying into my face and the windows and only living for a few days and feasting on poop. What a life, huh? But I digress.

A couple nights ago I decided to fire up the ol' N64. My God, I hadn't touched that thing in years. Even setting it up seemed so foreign. It was like uncovering a long, lost relic with no clue how to use it. We still have a few games that hark back to the heyday to video games of the 90's. Ocarina of Time & Majora's Mask, Banjo Tooie, Tony Hawk Skateboarding, Star Wars Episode I: Racer, Mario Party and Pokemon Snap. However, I was intent on a different game.

Here I'll give you a few hints. Try to guess without looking at the answer. If you can get it right... well I can't really give you anything. But do it for the nostalgia. (The answer will be below written backwards):

1) The cartridge is yellow.

2) It has '64' in the title.

3) You play as five different characters in the game.

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[46 gnoK yeknoD]

If you got it right then you win a bagillion cool points, along with the nostalgia feeling.

If not, oh well better luck next time.

Water and film is beginning to seep over my eyes. A sign that it's time to sleep. Although I'm sure I'll be up another 2-3 hours. Good night, as I leave you with food for thought.

Oh squiggly line in my eye fluid.

I see you there, lurking on the periphery of my vision.

But when I try to look at you, you scurry away.

Are you shy squiggly line?

Why only when I ignore you do you return to the center of my eye?

Oh squiggly line.

It's alright, you are forgiven.

Put a bookmark on my life. I'm going for coffee.

Guilt sucks. Stress sucks. Having no friends sucks. Not being in a relationship sucks. Being low on money sucks. Movies these days suck. Music these days sucks. Teenagers these days suck. People in general suck. College sucks. Homework sucks. YouTube sucks. This pulled muscle in my stomach sucks. My mom's hearing is about to go, that sucks. Thanksgiving is going to suck. The past sucks. The presents sucks. The future looks like it will suck. Life sucks.

End of line.

I Really Wish I Lived Near a Beach

Beloved

I stand here at the edge, one foot hovering in midair. I want to take that final plunge into the depths and be lost forever. Become swallowed whole by the unknown that lies beneath. Disappear. Vanish from existence. Become reborn.

But something holds me back. An invisible set of chains, keeping me from moving on. A link to the past. My strength is too weak, I'm unable to shatter those ties. I hang my head in shame. How could I have come so far, only to falter right at the very end? Tears stream down my face like waterfalls in a silent and empty forest. No one can hear me, teetering on the verge of my mind.

My knees give out. The last ounce of hope has left my fragile body.

But then, a sudden light appears.

It blinds me, I can barely make out the humanoid shape. It's so strange and yet familiar. The scent brings back memories of happier days.

It was you.

You help me up off the ground, reminding me of how much power there is left inside. Those eyes, dark shades of ocean blue, give me solace and warmth. I know now that I'm not alone. We grasp each other's hand. The weight of those chains vanishes in an instant. At last, I can finally begin anew.

Nerves, jitters rush through my body. What could be down there? Friends? Monsters? Darkness or Light? Closing my eyes, I was able to reassure myself of the unknown that called out to me. It was the future. One with you and me in it. One of sunny days, tender nights, soft embraces, and the passion that drove us together. I had no more worries.

Filling my lungs to the very brim, I looked at you. You looked at me. I had finally numbed the pain that clenched at my chest. And then we fell.

Down........

Down.......

Down........

The Night of the Meek (Jobless)

Well here we are. November. It was just summer and now we're headin' straight into Winter. Where the mornings are dark, the nights are awful, and I feel like hibernating. But I always like when it's getting close to Christmas. Something about the festive mood people are in cheers me up. Now that I'm getting older, I've got to start buying presents for everyone so that I am not looking forward to. Especially went I have moths flying out of my wallet.

I have come to the realization that I need to move out. Even though I'd probably be a baby and suffer from separation anxiety, I don't know how much more of my family I can stand. I love them and they love me. However, I feel so constricted here and unable to go out and do things. I wanted to go out the other night, but my dad tells me, "It's too late. It's past your curfew." What?! Seriously he says just because I'm 18 and I have a car doesn't mean I can just up and leave. Well I know that. But when you rack on me because I'm such a hermit and have practically no friends then your just contributing to the problem. There just looking out for me, yeah yeah. But give me a little slack. All I seem to do is go to school, come home, go to a volleyball game, eat and then comeback home, day in and day out. What a boring life.

That's why moving out would give me some freedom. Unfortunately, I face a few problems:

1) I don't have a job. This is probably the biggest thorn in my side. I have this fear that if I go out and get one, I'll screw up with scheduling and then I'll start flunking classes and fall behind. But I guess that's why I'd schedule work AROUND school hours.

2) I have little money in my pocket. I have some in the bank, but I spent $300 like in September on books and gas. Having a scholarship helps, since I get the extra money in my pocket. Like I said though, it pretty much goes all to books. Stupid bookstore.

& 3) I have sworn to myself and the others around me that I will never ever work at a fast food joint. Hell to the no. I can eat there, that's fine and dandy. But getting a job at like McDonald's or Taco Bell does not fly with me. Just the image bugs me. At a trip to Panda the other day I noticed that the cashier used to be one of the head cheerleaders at Cholla before graduating. She was also a mentor in the program I was a part of. It sucked, but that's a story for another time. Anyways, it was sort of depressing seeing her like that. Why? Not sure. Maybe just the thought that she was so popular in high school and now is reduced to an employee at a chain of Chinese food restaurants. That's not to say she doesn't have friends or doesn't attend some school. But if not, what a downer.

That goes for restaurants too. I don't want to be a waiter. Working at Borders, however, would be fun. I've always enjoyed shopping there and I like reading, when I can of course. But living way out in the boondocks hinders me from getting a job I'd probably really enjoy. Everything around here blows. And all the better jobs are on the North and East sides of town.

Where it stands, no I won't be moving out anytime soon. I wouldn't have anywhere to stay anyways. I'll just appreciate what time I have mooching a room off my parents. Cause them when I'm out on my own, God I'm sure I'll regret it.

Then again I don't want to be those kids who live in their parents basement for the rest of their lives. Good thing we don't have a basement.