Question of the Day #4

Is it possible to love someone you have never actually met? Or fall in love at first sight?

Or are these just silly fantasies?

"Their infants quarter'd with the hands of war"

It's Tough To Be Human

Huzzah for the weekend. Although I'm sure I won't be doing anything worth celebrating about. Except maybe pick up dog poo because my dad is blackmailing me (sort of) for reasons I cannot say.

As I get into the swing of spring classes at dear old Pima, I am starting to ask myself more frequently, "Self, why are you choosing to live this way? Out of shape, lonely, secluded, bored. Aren't you going to make a move soon before you waste your life on what little you have done? Please, do something. Soon. Like now. NOW!"

Perhaps being too analytical of one's life has it's repercussions. I can jot down at least 50 things I find wrong with me and that I would love to right. I question the world way too much I think. Maybe that's why psychology or philosophy seem to be appropriate careers for me. Still, the theatre calls my name. Or rather sings it with vibrato as the note rises higher and higher and higher until the fatal crack. The glass has shattered. I'm cut. Ouch.

Every teacher I have this semester is, shall I say, quite dull. My writing teacher looks like a 70-year-old Cher. Or maybe her now without all the surgery. But bless her she is sweeter than gumdrops. Yeah I said that. So what?

The honors instructor is, I swear to Bob, an alien. Maybe not so much now as I did the first day. But damn he's weird. He like degrades the human race for being whiny babies and not creating anything new since the days of Socrates and Aristotle. However, I'm gonna stick wit it and make the best of the class. Even though it really is just a philosophy class in disguise.

Psych teacher is probably the coolest. The quiz we had today tested us on research methods and independent variables and control groups. Here's the catch. She used a Dr. Morningwood as an example. And the quiz was on erection drugs. Okay, so maybe it is a little perverted. I have to admit though she is pretty laid back. Deals the information, but with humor and charm. Don't get many instructor/teachers like that.

Lastly, we have the guitar class. I want to learn so that I can possibly play music when I feel like singing. But, I'm really stinking at it at the present time. Still a whole semester ahead so I have room for improvement. Ben seems like a cool guy. Looks like he's in his late 20's so I really don't know why he works at Pima. He's doing it for the kids. Maybe. I can't play that flipping fret note. Fluff.

Anyways, I have no clue what I'm going to do for my future. It is bleak and grim. Should I follow what I truly enjoy doing or go with what I find the most interesting? Oh crossroads of life, how you provide such difficult choices. Adieu.

Question of the Day #3

Why does porn spam continue to fill up my email's junk folder?

Really I don't get it.

See Ya Real Soon!

I was going to post something tonight, but I can't focus to save my life. I typed a whole rant out. In the end, it was scrapped.

Tired. Sleep. Hot. Cold. All over the place.

Oh well, maybe tomorrow.

Damn you Inception!

Sorry, I try to make this thing a priority. But then I end up forgetting completely about it or just don't care some days. Perhaps I have nothing really to say. Who knows. I don't. Get used to it.

Last night I dreamt that I got shot. Not once. Or twice. But like 1,006 times. According to the weird counter that appeared in the dream. The first part involved some weird long black haired guy in a grocery store. I saw him and knew this guy was trouble. As I walked down the toilet paper isle he walked along the next row of Contonelle (or Charmin). He then proceeded to push down a stack of paper and immediately I fell to the ground and screamed. Even before he pulled out a gun. After that, things are somewhat of a blur. I think some cops nabbed him or something. Then I ended up at some resort or the like and sat alongside a curved street in chairs with my grandma, aunt and two others who I can't recall. All of the sudden, a white car pulls up with three people in it; two guys and a girl. They turn and give off creepy smiles at us. The girl then pulls out a white gun and takes out everyone there but me. I try to run but get a bullet through my stomach. Strangest thing about this dream was that it felt very real. More so than my normal dreams. I attempt to crawl away, but the girl shoots me like six more times. I try playing dead. However, my feeble attempts at hiding my short breaths proves worthless. After going after more victims, she comes back and shoots me like 40 more times. Then she just goes on and on and on. This is when that counter comes up reading 1,006. Reminds me of those hit counters you see in a video game. Bonus points for her!

Anyways, I feel like I'm dying there and everything is fading out. Yet I still continue to live. Eventually they disappear or get arrested and I'm seriously wounded. With everyone freaking out, I limp to a hospital while everyone looks at me in shock and despair. Despite this situation being so morbid, in the dream it makes me feel important. Like I mean something. Odd.

Those are the two bigs things that I can remember dreaming about. There was more. But my brain isn't hacking up it's secrets.

Like I said earlier, this dream felt strangely real. I felt the pain of a gunshot wound, I saw the blood, it was difficult to breath. All the emotions were heightened. But I'll get into my other weird, random, and crazy scrambled dreams another day. I have more dumb college classes to attend to tomorrow.

"...ecstatic" - Jafar

Boom goes my life

So *imaginarily pinches bridge of nose* this past week has been really trying my patience. Not only has it been stressful and busy. Because it has. But things are really starting to fall into the shitter. Let me brake it down for you all.

Last Wednesday, I woke up at the dark of dawn to take my sister to school because lawd knows my momma sleeps in 'til 11 and doesn't budge except to scream her usual, and annoying, "Get up!!!" I throw on a sweater and floppy sweatpants and start the car up. All the windows are frozen. So time to defrost. The whole way to Cholla I notice that the back window is still covered in ice, despite the rest being clear. I ignore it. I get back home and it's the same. Finally, I take a look at it and what the crap. The whole back windshield is shattered. Bitch. Now it's tough to determine what exactly caused this. I got rear-ended last year and it is possible that the window suffered a microscopic crack and the cold dealt the knockout. However, I have my doubts. There seemed to be a focal point where most of the class cracked. Hoodlums? I'd love to blame some. This neighborhood is getting pretty weird. So. Yeah.

If you were under your rocks yesterday, you may notta heard about that shooting that went down at Safeway. Normally I don't really care about these things. I mean I think well that's unfortunate and sad. But I think it's because it was like an assassination attempt and it was a political figure and that it was so close to home, plus that now the entire planet has got their feelers pointing in our direction. This one actually shook me a bit. This looks like something that is really going to shake up everyone and change things. History, people. Just lived it.

Lastly, after the already insane day, I come home to a letter from PCC. Believing it's my check for the extra money I need to spend on stupid books, I feel great. Yet, that high is shortly destroyed. Here's the thing. I got two scholarships for Pima. One was a scholars one that would pay my entire tuition for two years. The second was one from Cholla that gave me 500 smackers each semester. So I was set for a while. But as always, I jinx it. The letter was not a check. Nor was it any sort of good news. In a blurb, it said "We are sorry to inform you that your GPA has fallen below the 3.00 that is required for this scholarship. You will not be able to continue with this scholarship. You lost this scholarship. 'Kay love you bye bye."

Sooooo. Yes. The worst has come true. We're supposed to go try and talk to some big wigs tomorrow and see if it's possible to get things sorted out. I probably screwed up because of that animation class, in which I got an "incomplete" because I didn't turn in the final. I'm supposed to this week actually so it's possible they will spare my life. I could blame it on that girl who postponed the return of my squirrel film because her dumb ass had to animate last minute. I could blame the teacher for not informing me of drawing earlier then the month we were to animate. Ultimately, it's probably my fault. I messed up and snoozed a bit.

Unless I get the scholarship back, I have two choices:

1. Drop the honors class that the scholarship required and use the Cholla money to pay for the tuition. Although I now have to buy books out of my own pocket.

2. Drop out of Pima for a while, get a job, get my ducks in a row, and attempt to continue at a later date.

Honestly I'd rather the latter but I know that wouldn't fly with my "bosses". I expected this year to go off with a bang. Poop was I right.

I need to get laid. Bad.

Someday...

when we are wiser.

perhaps a lunatic was simply a minority of one

Ma I Ereh

1. TOMORROW AND THE SUN - Adam Pascal

2. WEST COAST - Coconut Records

3. THIS IS MY LIFE - Shirley Bassey

4. HAUNTED - Poe

5. AS THE WORLD FALLS DOWN - David Bowie

6. THE WANDERER - Romanthony

7. DEVIL INSIDE - Utada Hikaru

8. DREAMWORLD - Rilo Kiley

9. TRY - Asher Book

10. CRAZY FOR YOU - Let Loose

11. ALL IS FULL OF LOVE - Bjork

12. WICKED LITTLE TOWN (REPRISE) - John Cameron Mitchell

13. IN THE DARKNESS - Mackenzie Phillips

14. LE FESTIN - Camille

15. PURE IMAGINATION - Gene Wilder

16. LOVE DON'T LOVE NOBODY - The Spinners

17. SMACK INTO YOU - Jon McLaughlin

Wraps, Trips, and the uncertainty that lies ahead

Well happy new year all. Yes, the day after we celebrate another cycle of 365 moons and sit to watch a giant ball descend from the sky to ring it in. Seriously, I've never questioned why we commemorate the occasion like that. Weird. But yup yup that's the way it goes. Alas, I've started 2011 out with a bang. Literally. After sitting through Cheech & Chong's Next Movie which although funny, wasn't really a movie. More of a series of small humorous skits. But hey. Still cool, man. Anyways, I'm deciding to head upstairs to get on the computer and incidentally write this entry, when I step over on of the several gates we use to barricade our dogs out of the family room. Reciting Madea's famous "Heller", my foot catches on the top of the gate. Jamming my toe, I slowly fall to the floor in humiliation. Thankfully, it wasn't a rug to face fall. I was able to sort of lunge to help my epic fail. My sister laughs like the mad man she is. I lay stunned and cringing at the pain in my big toe (nail crushed and filling up with some blood) while I think, "This is the unfortunate things that happen to me for being such a good person. God, if you're "really" there and listening. You had your laugh. Go back to being worshiped by crazies and obsessive freaks. Spare me"

If this is hint of things to come this year, then I'm in for one hell of a time.

On a more positive note, I actually ate at a 4th avenue restaurant with the girls. From this point on I will refer to my sister and mom as "the girls". One, because I don't want to write their individual titles down. Two, most of the time it's them I'm with so. Deal. It was a place called "World-Wide Wrappers", which is across the street from Dairy Queen. We've passed it a few times and wanted to try it. But parking sucks and places want your money so it never happened. I expected this place to be hopping and hip with all kinds of young people enjoying themselves a healthy snack. What I got was an abandoned establishment with one (I want to say Jewish?) guy working the counter. What. The whole time it was awkward eating there with me and the girls being the only customers. And the owner(?) sitting back there reading his paper. Still, wraps were pretty good and we had some smoothies which we some of the best I've ever had. Piña colada was the great. Afterwards we walked to the Chocolate Iguana and I treated myself to a carrot cupcake. Maybe I'll go on a diet this year. Don't quote me on that.

Tomorrow is the big family gathering. Lovely. It shouldn't be too bad. In closing, let's hope 2011 turn's out to be my big year. By that I mean get a job, possibly start a relationship, try to start acting again, get healthy and take more risks. Is that a resolution? I'm sure part of that I'll bomb in the first month. Meh, it works. I guess.